Has Your Lip Balm Obsession Gone Too Far? The 12 Steps Every Addict Needs To Take

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1. Admit you’re powerless – that your life has become unmanageable.
You can’t leave the house without at least six Chapsticks in your handbag, and outfits without pockets give you a full on panic attack (bra stashers, we’ve been there).

2. You’ve come to believe that a power greater than yourself (lipbalm) will return us to sanity.
There’s nothing worse than rubbing your dry, chapped lips together knowing you won’t have access to your Nivea Lip Butter for another ten minutes. You can’t concentrate, you can’t eat, you can’t do anything until you get that sweet relief. 

3. Make a decision to turn your life over to the power of the people trying to help you.
Do your friends always turn to YOU for sweet lip salvation? Maybe they’re trying to tell you something.

4. Make a searching and fearless moral inventory of yourself.
Empty your handbag right now. Go on, do it. How many lip balms do you have in there this very second? Empty those pockets, too. It’s gone too far.

5. Admit to yourself, and to another human beings, the exact nature of our wrongs.
It’s time to ‘fess up. Come clean about the time you swiped your friends’ Eve Lom Kiss Mix and told her ‘it fell out of your pocket’.

6. You are entirely ready to remove all these defects of character.
If you’re serious about quitting the hard stuff for good, there’s no point on hanging on to Vaseline ‘just in case’. It’s a case of cold turkey or nothing.

7. Humbly ask everyone to remove your shortcomings.
Tell your friends you’re on the wagon – they’ll support you through this difficult time. Avoid Boots at all costs.

8. Make a list of all persons you have harmed, and become willing to make amends to them all.
The friend in step 5, your bank account…

9. Make direct amends to such people wherever possible.
DO NOT BUY THEM A NEW LIP BALM. We know it’s really for you.

10. Continue to take personal inventory, and when you are wrong, promptly admit it.
Recovery is a life-long battle. Every Carmex you see will bring back that tingling sensation, but if you do give in, admit it and move on.

11. Seek the power to carry out a lip-balm free life.
Unsuspecting friends might offer you a slick of their Maybelline Baby Lips, but stay strong. It’s not worth it for a life of being a slave to the salve.

12. Having had this experience, try to carry this message to other addicts.
See another applying Burt’s Bees every five minutes? Lip balm addicts are everywhere – help a sister out and introduce her to the program. 


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